sad girl autumn: the definitive discography bracket
Hot Girl Summer is over and Sad Girl Autumn hath arrived with a musical abundance that only the fall harvest can bring. This autumn brings us the first Adele album in six years, Taylor’s Version of “Red” with *deep breath* 30 songs, and even John Mayer’s “Sob Rock”. With so many new sad anthems from heartache heavyweights dropping this fall, it got me and my gal pal/sad girl autumn aficionado Katie, thinking that the time has come for a bracket of Sad Girl Autumn Discography.
Meet the Players:
So not to make this a lesson in Bracketology, but just a quick breakdown before we get into the meat of this. This is a 32 Song bracket. DISCLAIMER: This isn’t an exhaustive list but it’s a manageable bracket and as my own editor I have made it so. The Bracket is broken into the following Divisions below:
Adele - Annie Leibovitz
Queen of Sorrow -
She should require no introduction. Ladies and gentlemen, Adele. Adele makes you cry a different kind of tears. She’ll make you feel pain you’ve never actually experienced as though it happened to you 5 minutes ago. Never been divorced? Doesn’t matter, you’ll cry as though you have. What is love? Baby, she’ll hurt you and more. If you need to sob, you turn to Adele, not only will she make you feel her love, she’ll make you feel her sorrow firsthand.
Easy on Me - Adele
When We Were Young - Adele
Someone Like You - Adele
All I Ask - Adele
Taylor Swift - Beth Garrabrant
Taylor’s Teardrops -
Taylor receives her own division in the Sad Girl Autumn bracket for several reasons. 1. her entire discography is chock-full of relatable sad girl content 2. she is the human embodiment of cottagecore (the official sad girl autumn esthetic) 3. she represents the evolution from sad teenage girl to sad adult girl. The potency of Taylor’s teardrops is that they are essentially your own, with her lyrics being so relatable you question if she wrote the song just for you (nothing bonds quite like collective heartache).
Exile - Taylor Swift feat. Bon Iver
Dear John - Taylor Swift
You’re Not Sorry - Taylor Swift
All Too Well - Taylor Swift
Mom Misery -
You know them. You probably used to hate them and now you love them and sing them as though they were your own - Mom songs. Perhaps the soundtrack to the first time you saw your mom cry (or drink an unprecedented amount of wine), this division is the songs your mom wouldn’t let you change the radio station on and you didn’t quite understand why at the time but boy howdy do you get it now.
All Coming Back To Me Now - Celine Dion
I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston
You Were Meant For Me - Jewel
How Do I - LeAnn Rimes
John Mayer - “Shot In The Dark” Music Video
Just John -
Oh, John. Dear, dear, John. The only man to both have his own division in the bracket and also have a song written about the heartbreak he caused featured in another division (the tangled webs we weave *sigh*). John is the primordial Sad Boy yet also simultaneous heartbreaker, he holds a unique space within this bracket. In some ways, I don’t want him to reward him with his own separate division outside of the rest of the Sad Boyz but when you’re discography includes that many sad hits and your latest album is titled “Sob Rock”, you get your own division. After all, if you’re not sobbing, you’re not rocking.
Comfortable - John Mayer
Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer
Dreaming with a Broken Heart - John Mayer
Shouldn’t Matter But It Does - John Mayer
Sad Boyz -
With dearest John in his own division, it really opened up the field for other Sad Boyz. Sad songs from Sad Boyz. While sometimes teetering on the edge of Pick Me Boy territory, their intent is pure and their songs are sad.
I Need My Girl - The National
High and Dry - Radiohead
She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5
Fix You - Coldplay
Mascara Tears -
The era was the mid-2000s. The music was EMOtional. The mascara was black and absolutely not waterproof (Hi, LC!). This was very difficult to keep to only four songs when there is literally a full decade of music that fits into this division. Please appreciate my self-restraint in limiting myself to just one song from “Everything in Transit” by Jack’s Mannequin.
Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World
Bruised - Jack’s Mannequin
Only One - Yellowcard
Konstantine - Something Corporate
A Classic Cry -
A near impossible division to keep to only four songs, but I have faith in the Wild Card to pull some more classics. The songs and the sadness in this category are timeless. And if you’re unfamiliar with any, I invite you to pour yourself a full-bodied glass of red, sink into a couch, start with “She’s Gone” and let the note at minute 4:35 send you into a new stratosphere.
Landslide - Fleetwood Mac
She’s Gone - Hall & Oates
Secret Garden - Bruce Springsteen
Yesterday - The Beatles
Weeping Wild Cards -
While these divisions cover a lot of ground, I will be the first to admit that there are gaps and flaws (hey Taylor, write a song about it) so I’ve left this space open for four write-in submissions as voted by you.
Angel - Sarah McLachlan
Fields of Gold - Sting
The House That Built Me - Miranda Lambert
Here With Me - Dido
HOW IT WORKS -
Like any good old-fashioned bracket, we’ll allow Wild Card submissions first and then voting will begin for Round One.
Voting will take place on “the gram” see ya there.
THE BRACKET - ROUND ONE
ROUND 2 - SWEET SIXTEEN - 10/31/21
So I won’t lie, there were some surprises in the first round (seriously, Yellowcard over Dido!?). I fundamentally disagree with some of the results but I am here as a mere steward of the bracket and must be impartial.
ROUND 3 - THE ELITE 8 - 11/5/21
The field is narrowing and there have been some unexpected upsets. While it’s not altogether surprising that Taylor and John both have two songs in the Elite 8, only Adele’s most recent heartbreak hit, Easy On Me has made it this far, wiping out three major contenders fairly early in the competition. It’s really anyone’s game now. Results below:
ROUND 4 - THE FINAL FOUR - 11/6/21
Well it’s been quite the battle thus far. In a surprise turn, the Queen of Sorrow herself will not be wearing the ultimate crown in this bracket as Adele was knocked out by Taylor’s “All Too Well” (I do feel like the coincidental announcement of a short film for the 10 - minute Taylor’s Version of “All Too Well” yesterday may have impacted the results here). Anyway, here’s the Final Four, and John is guaranteed a spot in the final already…
DELAYED FINAL FOUR VOTING - 11/12/21
Apologies for dragging this on, however life and cross country moves have delayed the process (I’ll create a complaints button later). In the timeless words of the All-American Rejects, “IT ENDS TONIGHT”. That’s right kids, the winner will be decided within the next 24 hours. Final Four voting results below:
ROUND 5 - THE FINALISTS - 11/12/21
Well dear friends, the time has come. The fight was well fought, the songs were sad, and the season was (at the time of this writing still is) autumn. True to form, dearest John battled himself, with “Slow Dancing” running away as the favorite. The photo finish came for Taylor vs. Fleetwood Mac. Arguably two of the greatest lyricists ever between Taylor and Stevie, the sadness and heartbreak featured in their songs are timeless and speak to every generation that hears them. By a narrow two votes, “All Too Well” edged out “Landslide”. I partially blame myself for holding the Final Four and Finals on the same day that “All Too Well (10 Minute Version)” dropped along with its short film (I promise I’m not being compensated by Taylor, though if you’ll indulge me… Hi Taylor! Big fan, love your work). In any case, I’m not thrilled with the narrative of Taylor vs. John but alas here we are. Who will win? The sad will decide.
THE WINNER - THE QUEEN OF SAD GIRL AUTUMN - 11/13/21
Beating John nearly 2:1, Taylor Swift and All Too Well have been crowned our winner. If we’re honest, if anyone surprised? Sad Girl Autumn is Taylor’s season and we’re all just living in it honestly.
UPDATE 11/17/21 -
From the desk (Instagram account) of Taylor Swift herself. She has blessed us with (yes you’re reading this right!) “All Too Well (Sad Girl Autumn Version)” …. I KNOW! I have 1,000 questions. Did Taylor see the bracket!? Am I now in the Swift Illuminati!? Is this my invitation!? DO I ONLY WEAR BLACK TURTLENECKS AND CAMEL COATS NOW!? Please, someone, advise. Also Hi Taylor!?
